“Mommy is Crying” by A.N. Modine
She has changed so much since daddy died. She always is sad. I don’t know what I can do to help her. We used to play all the time. Now she just never feels like it. She will just stare at me as I play in my room with all my toys.
The doctor told mommy that she had depression. She has been on medicine ever since, but I don’t think they work. In fact I think the medicine is bad for her and hurts her. It seems like she is always sick now after taking the medicine. She seems tired and her tummy seems like it hurts a lot. Sometimes when she stands up she seems really dizzy. I do not like that she is taking those medicines that are hurting her.
Mommy still will read to me at night. That makes me happy. She will come into the room at night time and grab my favorite book. She will then walk throughout my room and move stuff around, not much but as if she is cleaning. She will then go in my closet and grab my some clothes for me as she hugs them and smells she lays them out on the bed for tomorrow. Then she will start reading the book to me, but she is no longer as happy as she used to be when doing it. I tell her to grab another if she wants too but she just ignores me and continues to read as she loses energy with every page she turns. When she is done reading she will shut off all the lights but my night light climb back in bed with me holding the book in her arms as she falls asleep. She seems so happy when she sleeps with me but she then will wake put the book back and head to her room sad again.
Today was the saddest I have seen mommy in a long time. After she came home from work she was already in tears. She had a large envelope the mailman delivered in her arms. Tears gently rolled down her cheek as she fought with her shoes to take them off and went towards the couch. She grabbed the blanket that her and I made together and wrapped it up tight around her body like a hug. She then called grandma though it was weird because she just called her mom she never used to say that unless she was explaining to me who grandma was but she only needed to once because I am smart. I did not hear what they were talking about but whatever it was made mommy cry harder. She hung up with grandma saying, “I don’t know if I can.” So, I went to give her a hug on the couch. She had grabbed the blanket tighter as I climbed up on the couch. I asked her if she was alright. But she ignored me. I think she was just crying to much to listen. I sat there quietly as she opened the large envelope and pulled out a document that said: “I certify that Lee Hutchinson died on this day…”
That is my name . That was me. I began to cry so scared and sad that I held mommy so tight. She had stopped crying for this moment as she turned to me and truly looked at me for the first time in weeks and smiled as she finally realized I was there with her.
scarefirsttalklater 